Dear Readers: Things do not bode well for the longevity of Laura's Cat Contest. Despite being inundated this week with hundreds of entries, I have found only one that truly pleased me. Nevertheless, several others caused me to smile. For example, jlisle gets big points for noirish lingo:

I had been stalking the Gardner place for about two weeks. It was a big place, lots of land, lots of cats, your typical upstate cat house. I was staying next door, at the Rogers, with my friend Frieda in that cozy little doghouse of hers, but that's another story. Anyway, so I figured, cats, if you're going to get anywhere with them, you got to throw them off balance somehow, you got to show them who's boss; every once in a while you've got to grease the patio.
--jlisle@cntraveler.com

Prurience Award (while still maintaining a modicum of taste) goes to Ms. lam-at-execpc-dot-com, for this entry:

Pussy Cat's cousins watched with sadistic glee as their little prank sprang into action. "Oh Christ my husband is back early!" cried Pussy as her bed-pals scrambled to escape.
--lam@execpc.com

Clever, Ms. lam, save for your cognitive disorder. Scared little kitties as midnight lotharios? I don't think so.

Grand prize goes to Ms. d021480, for ambiance, wit, and attention to detail. Accuracy, well, we'll leave that for the next round.

While the youngest kitten slept peacefully, Havoc entered the Katz home. Revenge is an evil motive even among cats. Havoc was beyond civilized thought. The Katzes had rejected his redecorating ideas. They would pay.
--d021480@hw1111.wdf.sap-ag.de

Readers, I tire of this feline felicity. Contest Queen will soon move on to greater things. Here is one last chance to match your deathless dialogue or description to this immortal art in the ephemeral medium of the Web. Please keep entries to 100 words or less. Thank you.

Laura Perry,
Managing Editor, C.Q.

Send in some dialogue or a brief storyline
to accompany the Cat Card of the Week
(courtesy of Alfred Mainzer, Inc.).
Each week, the best entry gets posted in our
Cat Contest Archives until I get sick of the whole
thing. Extra points for attention to detail.