DOUBLE DATE FROM HELL and PEE PARTY

Question 1 of 2

Dear Dr. Lovelady,

My mother is seeing a guy who is much younger than she is. Fine. Power to her. Problem is that this guy is a good friend of my boyfriend. Often the guys want to, you know, double date, all four of us go out to a movie. I feel like I'm being kind of immature but I really don't want to spend this kind of social time with my mom. She loves it because she gets to feel young and hip. I hate it because I feel completely stifled. I end up getting in a bad mood and being the bummer of the party. What should I do?

Signed,
Suffocating

Dear Suff:

Your mother is being totally inappropriate. She is not respecting your boundaries, your separateness as an individual . She is making you feel immature while in fact she's the immature one, prancing around with a young stud at the expense of her daughter's comfort. She's not just doing this to get the guy--she's doing this to compete with you. She's acting out her own insecurities about her age and femininity on you. You're not just feeling suffocated about expressing yourself on these dates. You probably want to express a lot more--to her--because you're so damned mad at her.

You must extricate yourself immediately from this bizarre intergenerational bed of iniquity. Tell your boyfriend how you feel. If he thinks you're being silly, then he is too intractably psychologically ignorant to do you any good. You already have a mother who is childishly self-centered. You need a boyfriend who will put you first, so you can get yourself out of this suffocating situation with your ageless Barbie doll of a mom.

Good Luck.



Question 2 of 2

Dear Doctor Lovelady,

My husband recently told me that he is having an affair with someone at his office. He told me because he realized it was wrong and he felt very guilty about it. I know he loves me, but I can't accept this. I know who the woman is and my problem right now is that I can't stop having violent revenge fantasies. I have never been so angry in my whole life. What I want to do is go pour a gallon of urine into the leather interior of her Lexus. I have saved 2 quarts so far. I'm afraid I am going to go through with this plan and then somehow regret it later. Should I do it, Doc?

Signed,
Beer Drinker

Dear Beer:

Of course you are angry. Of course you seek revenge. But here's the problem: you are peeing up the wrong sedan. Your urine collection should have his name on it, not the object of his dalliance. You are buying into the archaic notion that a man has an affair because a woman lures him into it. This is a lot of pee. If he hadn't chosen her he would have chosen some other willing bimbo. So why is your anger directed at her and not him? Because it is too threatening to feel the rage at your husband that, somewhere, somehow, you must be feeling. After all, if you pee on HIS car, since it's your car too, you'll wind up peeing on yourself. So, to avoid the smelly urine-soaked mess that you think your life will become if you express your honest feelings, you've suppressed your anger toward him and displaced it toward the woman you think is your rival.

But it's not working. All the nitrogeneous waste your kidneys can produce will not rid yourself of the horrid reality that your husband wanted to sleep with someone else. AND that he used you as his Mother Confessor, to get rid of his guilt at your expense. In other words, your husband has peed on you. I suggest that you take a shower, put on a Depends , and start to deal with the problems in your marriage.