Evidently, Haiku is an art form with which many of you have not had a long acquaintance. What part of "seventeen syllables, divided into lines of five, seven, and five syllables" don't you understand? And why get stuck on Spam? Don't you have anything else in your lives to write about?

While attempting to select a winner, I was torn between two submissions. I chose the first because, in addition to its atmospheric appeal and the beguiling use of the archaic "kine," it also follows our instructions better than most, especially with its inclusion of a "cutting word," which I read to be "'Ah!'" (OK, it's a really easy cutting word, but it still precedes the revelation, the flash of intuition, the moment of sad realization: how enviable it is to be a cow.)

I chose the second because, even after two weeks, I still laugh every time I read it aloud. I've done this a lot, and the rest of staff doesn't laugh anymore, but I don't care.