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March 4, 1998
NAUSEA INFIDELIS and THE RECIPROCAL POST-VOMIT STANDOFF
Question 1 of 2
Dear Dr. Lovelady,
OK. The nightmare of nightmares has happened. I actually walked in on my
girlfriend getting it on with another guy, who turned out (once he came
out from hiding under the covers) to be a pretty good friend of mine. I
feel completely sick to my stomach every time I think of this sordid
scene I witnessed. How can I get over the nausea and pain quickly?!?
Signed,
You haven't said anything about how the situation was resolved--if it
was. Is she really interested in him? Or was it a one-shot alcohol,
drug, or Haagen-Dazs-related incident?
The bottom line is that you can't just get over this all by yourself,
because her choosing to be with someone else only makes sense within the
context of your relationship with her. You're both going to have to get
over it together, if that's your mutual choice, so that you can get to a
point where you can trust her again.
If you're left with the sense that
she can easily feel as much passion for somebody else as she feels for
you, well then you'll have to figure out what that means to you, and if
you can stand it. I'm sure you'd find the idea of your girlfriend
wanting to schtup every delivery man she takes an eye to somewhat hard
to bear. And you know what? If that's how it does turn out, then maybe
your girlfriend can go suck on a tailpipe!
Dear Doctor Lovelady,
I have been dating this guy for a few weeks and I really, really like
him. Last weekend we went out, I drank too much, and I vomited on
him...all over him and in his car. It was like something out of The
Exorcist. I have been too ashamed to call him and he has not called me
in three days. Do you think it’s hopeless? Have I lost him forever? What
can I do to make up for this?
Signed,
You and your young man are engaged in what is known as a Reciprocal
Post-Vomit Standoff.
Although in cases of R.P-V.S., either the vomiter or the vomitee has the
option to re- initiate contact, I would recommend that you take charge
of the situation and write him a note. In this way, you will be able to
regain the self-control that you so sadly lost during the incident in
question. A sample follows:
Dear (Name of Vomitee),
I am terribly sorry that I regurgitated on you. Nothing personal was
meant by my action. It was an unfortunate symptom of inebriation and
not a comment on your personality or character.
I would like you to know that I am not a habitual vomiter and have no
plans to throw up on you any further. Should you find it in your
heart to grant me and my gastrointestinal system another chance, I promise that only scintillating conversation, and not vomit, will usher from my lips.
I am also sorry about your car.
Sincerely, |